


"are you there god, it's me crawley?"

by Pups_Side_Box (Puppyinabox)



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: "crawley", M/M, a bit of angst, i don't know how the fuck to tag, please simply read the summary, pre-fall crowley (briefly), the war when the angels fell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2020-04-23 20:17:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19158235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Puppyinabox/pseuds/Pups_Side_Box
Summary: As Crowley and Aziraphale start to get into the rhythm of The Rest of Their Lives Crowley contemplates his falling and the war in heaven before hell was made and before even the seeds in Eden had sprouted. he remembers the questions he asked and wonders if they would have caused him to fall now.(I'm rewriting this one to be longer and more in detail, and like better and stuff.  writing is hard and takes many drafts.)





	"are you there god, it's me crawley?"

**Author's Note:**

> I love good omens so much! I watched the show and I'm not the best writer so i know I certainly will not do these characters justice, however I am going to write the best that i can in the hopes that I can get the story I am attempting to tell across to you lovely readers.

The day was the first of November or the sixth day of The Rest of Their Lives and as the thrill and mischief of Halloween had come and went Crowley and Aziraphale sat in a park in the crisp autumn air. The day was All Saint's day, or in Latin American countries Dia de Los Muertos (however the angel and the demon did not sit in a park in a Latin American country but rather in London, England,) a day for remembering the ones that we have lost. It was certainly an odd holiday for two immortal beings who have been friends ever since the dawn of humanity and never really made many friends besides each other. They were not strangers to death, in fact they saw him on the first day of The Rest of Their Lives however he was an omen for many bad things to come that day, but death as a concept was always far from their minds.

As they sat in the park the red and orange leaves fell around them, carried on a gentle breeze, and made Crowley think. He thought and remembered. He wondered where he would have been if he hadn't fallen. Would he still know Aziraphale? Would he still have wanted to prevent Armageddon? Questions had gotten him where he was and he wasn't about to stop asking them.

"Angel," he said, receiving a soft hum in response, "Did you fight in the war in heaven?"

Aziraphale bristled slightly beside him but cleared his throat and answered nonetheless, "briefly, yes. In the beginning. After I saw some of the things that heaven was fighting for and some of the things The Newly Fallen were fighting for and what both sides were doing I joined a few of the other principalities in backing out. I've always considered it dreadful business, war. What good does it do?"

"proves which side is right, I suppose?" crowley offered.

Aziraphale shook his head, "it only proves who can win a war."

Crowley nodded, "but you fought in it, at least in the beginning?"

"yes."

"so did I. First for the Angels but then of course I Fell. The Newly Fallen sort of lured me in. looking back on it now of course i am glad I fell I think."

"well now why's that?" Aziraphale turned to Crowley with a puzzled expression,

"I never would have been comfortable as an angel. no offense but the color scheme just wasn't for me. aside from the thousand other things..."

Aziraphale smiled, "no offense taken. I understand why you would feel that way."

They sat in silence for a moment, taking in the sounds of the leaves falling and humans and their families enjoying the park. the day was a soft day, as though it were blurred around the edges. The sky was a light grey, almost white, overcast. The air was cool enough that you would need a jacket or the company of another warm body. Not a perfect day for the park, but a perfect November day. A perfect All Saint's day.

"what if I-"  
"suppose you-"  
they spoke at once,

"go ahead." said crowley,

"well, suppose you had remained an angel and I had fallen, what would that be lik-"

"you wouldn't have fallen." Crowley smiled and shook his head, finding the scenario rather silly,

"why not?"

"you're too... kind."

"you're kind." Aziraphale frowned when Crowley laughed at the insinuation, "or at least you're kind enough. and I'm sure before you fell you were likely... more angelic."

"maybe..." Crowley stared at the leaves on the ground and kicked one into the wind.

"you always said that asking questions was what got you in trouble."

"yeah."

"well what questions did you ask?"

Crowley crossed his arms and sank a bit lower on the bench they shared. what sort of questions HAD he asked?

"I think a lot of them started with 'Why?' and ended with a lack of an answer or an answer that left me unsatisfied, which lead of course to further questions and a slew of other 'bad behavior' which landed me a spot in hell."

 

When the Earth was an idea gossiped about among angels and before Hell was built or filled Crowley, then he was known as Azesiel, found himself questioning his place in the divine creation.  Back then Heaven was much more crowded, and as the earth was being planned out many angels grew restless.  God hadn't left the planning room in to them what felt like our human months.  many felt it was as if she had abandoned them for her new, shinier creation: humankind.  Lucifer was among those who grew jealous of the attention the Earth was getting from God.  it hadn't even been made yet and it got more attention than them.  Azesiel, while he was put off by the lack of concern for her devine creations God was displaying, wondered more why she even felt the need to make Earth.  She already made heaven.    
"why aren't we enough for her?"

"exactly." hissed Lucifer, getting close to Azesiel's face, "she should be satisfied with us."

"was it something we did?  Is she mad?"  Azesiel was uncomfortable with the saraphim's closeness but decided against saying anything about it, "should we try harder?"

"she is petty, we should leave the mad God to tinker away at her pathetic 'Earth'!"  Lucifer laughed and his voice shook Azesiel's bones (or whatever equivalent to bones angels have)

"theres word that you are to be the angel that tells them what fruit is safe to eat."  sameal whispered, "what if instead you told them the poisonous fruits were safe to eat?"

"I-"  Azesiel did not want to hurt God's creations, it wasn't their fault their creator was being an ass. 

"no she would jsut make new ones."  Lucifer shook his head, "I know.  Word says that there is to be a tree in the center of the garden which will bear a fruit which when eaten gives those who consume it nearly all knowledge of right and wrong, and it gives them the ability to think freely."

"why would God make that if she wants them to obey?"

Sameal and Lucifer both ignored Azesiel's question and Sameal said excitedly, "you could get them to eat that, and ruin God's lovely little creation forever."

Azesiel thought over the plan and nodded.  of course before the plan could be set in motion word got out about Lucifer's back dealings and the war broke out.  Azesiel and most of Lucifer's other soldiers were mere angels.  Lucifer led them to fight seraphs an cherubim and thrones. 

they never stood a chance.

Azesiel never wanted to hurt anyone he just wanted to know why God had chosen Humanity over the angels.  and Crowley never meant to fall.  Azesiel was long gone but Crowley still carried his plan in getting adam and eve to eat from the tree of knowledge, if not for the sake of ruining creation perhaps for the sake of well... seeing what would happen.

 

"well... the road to hell is paved with-"

"oh don't do that."

"yes, it is rather silly."

"but back to what you said earlier, what if i hadn't fallen?" crowley sighed, "I don't think we would have met, or it would certainly have been under different circumstances. I don't know if we would have been as close as we are now."

"that would have been terrible." Aziraphale frowned.

"yes, it would." Crowley said softly, and he genuinely meant it.  While being a demon gave him some freedoms it also came with a heavy expectation to be evil, and a grimier office, which Crowley never would truly live up to.  there were of course tricks every now and then, that bit about the paintball guns or when he got that man killed in revolutionary france to save Aziraphale, but never true evil.  He had one solid rule, his other rules would fluctuate depending on his mood but this one never did, and that was to never harm an innocent.  Children fell under this description, as well as the general public.  When the flood happened crowley had tried to save some of the children and their families,  He tried to save everyone who he didn't believe deserved to drown, but his head office didn't quite like that.  at one point during the fourty days and nights Duke Hastur had argued with him about it.  he had justified himself saying it was merely an act of rebellion against God's divine plan.  this explanation Hastur accepted, along with the fact that crowley had failed to save anyone.

 

Crowley just didn't care what other people thought, or at least he pretended not to care.  he didn't want to care.  Not since the flood, not even since before the war when earth was merely an idea.  caring enough to ask questions was what landed him in sulfur.

 

"Angel,"

 

"yes, dear?"  

 

"would I have fallen under heaven's current management style?"

 

Aziraphale frowned and sat up straighter, "I don't actually know.  I certainly did question why there should be a war and armageddon recently and well... I've not fallen."

 

crowley nodded and said, "do you think God is even listening anymore?"

 

Aziraphale's mouth formed a thin line and he adjusted himself, "I... I'm not completely sure.  I would hope so, and I suppose she likely is to some extent."

 

"do you think she cares?"

 

"I don't think we can ever really know what the Almighty is thinking."

 

Crowley hummed and said, "I guess."

 

"however, do you know what I'm thinking?"

 

"no."

 

"can you guess?" Aziraphale smiled in that way that he does when he is rather fond of the idea he's come up with.

 

"probably, but I'd like if you said."  Crowley smiled back at Aziraphale,

 

"why don't we see a play today?"

 

"a funny one?"  Crowley asks, eyebrows raised.

 

"yes, I've heard many good reviews of 'A comedy about a bank robery.'"

  
"well what's it called?"

 

"no you see thats the name of the play."

 

"to the point."  crowley laughed, "that sounds great."

**Author's Note:**

> I made up Crowley's pre-fall name after the fallen angel Azezel who basically taught humanity how to sin but in other versions of the mythos is closer to the greek prometheus (which i think crowley and aziraphale both when combined resemble. aziraphale gave the people the literal physical fire and crowley gave what the fire represented in the myth, knowledge)


End file.
